I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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