he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize