This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
