she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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