True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
There was a lot of him and a little penis
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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