you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Floor bacon is actually really good
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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