Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
