We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize