Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
