why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
