oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
