and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
