one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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