Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
