You're so nebulous sometimes
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
