I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
