At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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