Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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