i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
