He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
