What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
