I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
