Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
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