you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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