dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You are a genius and a whore.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
