I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
