Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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