if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
