A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
