I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
