Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize