whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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