Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
