I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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