Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
