I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Dignity is for republicans.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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