best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
