Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
