I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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