Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Four minutes until I can fart!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
