She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
