And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Dick very happy bro
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
