Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
