Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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