I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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