I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
