I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I cockslap morals
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
