I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
