im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You are the jesus of drinking
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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