I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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