i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize