evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The best revenge is premature balding
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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