If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
