Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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