youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
