Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Randomize