it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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