You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
