Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
