i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
