Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
