just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
soo... how was my night?
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