does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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