Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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