i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
