I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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