The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
