it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
