You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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