It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
