he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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