She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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