I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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