I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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