I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
