I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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